i am tumbling

work in progres of my dresden dolls commission painting…:)


magic circle - waterhouse - 1886


you shared a secret with me

i had to promise to keep it

 i will

the secret is a seed

set into my mind



new music: J.E.L.L.i. – Jump into the Fuzz

hey friends, it´s been a long time and i have great news for you: the debut album of my friend J…


that´s what muses do

they make you weak and strong

they make you paint, write music, write poems

they are necessary

great art doesn´t come from nothing

what do you feel when you see this painting, hear this song very loud?

when you´re at a concert and the beat and pressure of the drums rips your heart apart?

what inspires you?

color splash…or morbid art…call it what you want. this is the first finished piece of this current art outbreak

to whom it belongs to

i´m drowning, i´m choking, i am bound

blame me, yell at me, yes, c´mon…i can take it all…you´ll not see me breaking,because i´ll be gone by then

alone…a mount everest of problems, just for me…to climb and fall down again…

less than nothing, blame me for failing, go on…yes…sure. my fault…fuck you

and my artist friend says i´m makibng morbid art…whatelse is left for me to do? i scream from the top of my lungs, i cry and the result?

it´s not like i didn´t verbalize these thoughts to the person it belongs to…i did…often…but got no results…that´s depressing…

on the surface it all looks ok…but i feel so alone…noone cares

wondering why i´m here, what is this  for? i wanna feel happyness, real happyness…what is that?

so i keep mourning to my twitter, kind of amusing that the only reply i get is a fav of my “i feel like shit” tweet …wondering…

and when i tell people how bad i feel,they say:oh ,i can´t give you money.

i don´t want your fucking money, i just want someone to listen to me

someone who understands…but i´m afraid this person is not born yet…

i feel like shit

sex is a good antidepressant, if you do it with someone who doesn´t depress you..

go, care for everything except me…i told you i can´t handle this alone,i asked for your help.you didn´t help me,and now you blame me???

watercolor sketch

brushpen sketch

brushpen sketch

To Tumblr, Love Metalab